I Think She Needs Me

A couple of nights ago my sister-in-law stopped by to visit me and the kids after she brought my husband home from an event that they attended together. While chatting, she asked me if I get an hour for lunch at work and if so, maybe we can get together for lunch.

I live about 30 minutes from her but I work 5 minutes from her. I have never tried to visit her before even though I’m so close. The reason is the fact that I don’t really like her. I love her, but I don’t like her.

She’s not a bad person. But in our past she has done things that turned me off. I know people change, because I have. But because of what I witnessed, I just don’t trust her mentality. And I don’t agree with a lot of her opinions. I admit that the biggest reason that I am so turned off by her is because when we first met, I leaned on her to teach me so much about operating in the prophetic ministry. I believed that I was called and she’d be perfect to show me the ropes.

I became friends with her before I became involved with her brother. We became close. We shared intimate thoughts and beliefs. After awhile though, I wisened up. I didn’t like the way she treated her husband. I hated the way she was so sensitive to the actions/words of her enemies. I was suspicious of the way she was so attached to her brother; something that I didn’t notice until he and I became an item.

I can go on and on, but I will save that for one of my future memoirs. Anyway, I got to the point where I just felt like as long as we keep a healthy distance, I’m cool. I can love her from afar. Of course we interact on special occassions and Facebook, but I don’t ever care to become vulnerable to her ever again. I just reached the point where I don’t trust her with my jewels.

Yesterday morning on my drive to work I reflected on her suggestion from the night before that we do lunch. It wasn’t the first time she suggested this in the past couple of years. I’ve always brushed it off. I used my kids as an excuse; I used our physical distance as an excuse. The Holy Spirit revealed to me yesterday that she’s not requesting a “date” because she just wants to hang out. She needs this.

Maybe she feels uncomfortable that I no longer seek her advice and that I no longer treat her like a big sister. But I’ve grown and don’t believe that I need her like that anymore. So it’s possible that she needs me.

I feel so convicted. I need to make room in my schedule for her. I do love her. And as a Christian I have to look past my own discomfort and lay down my life out of love.

I only have half hour breaks at work so I will have to figure something out. Who knows? I probably need this too. God knows …

Sequel: Grudging Maybe?